Rwandan Life: My Struggle

I debated sharing this post. But life is full of excitement, tender moments and even struggles. It's all apart of the adventure.

Quick friends going to the beach - Ireland

Before we moved to Rwanda I didn't have any concerns about moving here. I generally get along with people and I've traveled internationally and haven't ever struggled with a culture or people regardless of where I've been. It's like I go somewhere and we just mesh. It helps speaking the language or at least trying. The French were more than helpful and if you're up on their cultural courtesies they will just love you. I found the same with the Germans, the Italians were very friendly, Irish the kindest people on earth, and Syrians welcoming and willing to serve even when they were in desperate situations themselves.  

The Struggle is Real

 Not here. our first few weeks seemed like a vacation and everything was smooth. But once we got

Traffic in town

our own place, and the dust settled I realized there's a lot to Rwandan culture I simply don't get. I joke that we are celebrities to cope with the constant staring. When I say constant, I really mean every single place we go. I laugh when I recall the advice given in the immigration form, refrain from eating while walking in Rwanda, it will help you blend in more...the fact is there is nothing I could ever do to blend in.

 

I struggle with the way people treat Jack and his refusal to want them to grab him and being ignored ending with him getting upset or crying. I struggle watching endless mothers, pregnant or carrying their babies on their backs working out in the hot sun while men wonder the streets aimlessly. Don't get me wrong there are thousands of men working and working hard, but there are a lot more than I would have ever imagined really just walking around in the middle of the day because they aren't able to find a job. And to be honest it isn't all their fault, the city is over saturated with a growing workforce and no jobs to support it. 

 

Friendship

I think the biggest struggle I've had is slowly realizing that I might only end up with one or two real Rwandan friends in the years we might live here. I went on a walk with a young Rwandan women and lamented how I wish I could make a friend without wondering what they wanted from me. She laughed and asked if that wasn't how it was in my country. Apparently that's a part of the culture, friendship is largely based on what someone can get from the relationship: a job, money, the right network.  I'd be lying if I didn't saying that was a major blow. It isn't that I don't want to help, but I also don't want to be a commodity. 

Progress

Juan...thriving

It's only been 3 months. I have made 2 local friends outside our house staff, which I hear is a feat. In the meantime Juan has been asked to help with our church's local men's organization to help check up on families in the area, check on the men and their needs and teach lessons every now and then. It's really good for him, he thrives on getting to know people and becoming apart of the community.

For me, this is going to be one of my greatest challenges; to learn to love, serve and eventually enjoy my Rwandan companions. I guess at the end of the day, I need to be the one who stops having expectations, isn't that what real friendship is anyway?