My Beefs with Russel

Those who have come over to meet us know that we have a hairy member of our family that we sometimes have to hide in the backroom because he has an issue with getting into people's spaces.

I am always quick to tell people that I married into this awkward and oh-so-lovable dog.

Here is the tale....

Russel shall be his name...So let it be written. So let it be done!

Once upon a time, Jenn felt like she needed a little bit more responsibility. Having a career, calling, and hundreds of things to do was just not enough. She needed a living creature that she could take care of and so she went to the nearest animal shelter and found the quietest dog there and adopted him. And of course she named him Russel.

Not Trigger because he wasn't too antsy, not Ranger because he really didn't have that go-get-em attitude, and not Killer (it's pretty obvious why she didn't call him that). Russel was the obvious name for a dog that was lacking in intestinal fortitude, clumsy, full of all sorts of awkward potential, and resembled a Harbor Seal any time he opened his yapper.

Yes, Russel indeed lived and continues to live up to his name.

The Struggle Begins

It has been a love-hate relationship with Russel. When I first got married we had to find a place that would allow dogs in the conservative hippy-hating side of Provo. Good luck right? Because of course, hippies are the only ones who live with dogs indoors. Well we found a place all right and there were times in the beginning that I wondered if it wouldn't have been better to roam the streets of Provo and just use Russel's pelt for warmth.

While that seems insensitive, he had sniffed one too many crotches, left two too many slobber puddles on the floor, and I was still trying to figure out how his hair was getting on anything I touched. The idea of putting all that hair to use came as I thought back on the nasty mexican poncho I bought on our honeymoon. I was convinced, after substantial itching occurred, that they are all made out of dog sheddings. My goal would be to sell them in order to make Russel a productive member of the family.

Russel's Failed Security Clearance

One would expect the value of a Dog to come in his ability to provide security for the home. One evening I found out he was pretty worthless in this respect. Jenn and I had locked ourselves out and the only way of getting in was to squeeze through a window that was rusted shut from not being used for over 80 years.

Jenn thought she could make it through in her pregnant state and so she stepped on my back and thought things through and realized it was not happening. So, I decided to step on my pregnant wife's back in the most chivalrous way in order to wiggle my way through the window.

I pushed and shoved and was able to open it just enough to peer inside, but I realized I wasn't getting an optimal amount of leverage with my arms so I went to my strongest muscles: My back and butt muscles. I decided to use my body as a jack for the window and pushed my bum through the little crevice.

With each push upward with my back I was moving the rickety old window an inch or so. I realized that, while I was getting my bum further inside I was looking more and more like Winnie the Pooh when he gets stuck in rabbits hole, (except my legs were not threw). Jenn was crying with laughter and I was getting more and more frustrated When all of the sudden, it budged! I made it all the way through.

It was completely dark and all I could hear was a faint wimmpering. I looked in the corner and there was Russel just in the corner trying to hide himself by the garbage can. I turned on the light and he realized it was me and tried to act like nothing had happened.

The Great Escapes

The path to making Russel a productive member of the family is completely secondary to the goal of actually having him listen to us. He has completely eluded us and made it all the way to the animal shelter 3 times. Here are some flashbacks on those wonderful moments:

1. Dad comes over to help refinish our table...door is open. Russel sneaks out and is not found. Dad laughs when I get hysterical thinking my marriage is over.
2. 5am, tired and incoherent. Open the door to let Russel relieve himself. Blizzard blows thru my body, so I curse the dog and shut the door thinking he'll come back. Doesn't come back. Husband is chastised for his carelessness.
3. Late in the evening, Jenn has fed the baby and needs to do visiting teaching. Perfect storm occurs as Russel starts to do his Seal squawks and Jack decides he is hungry again. Holding an angry and deprived baby, I let Russel out. Of course he wants to play so I tell him to come in. Belligerence ensues as he fails to follow simple instructions. I go back looking for a binky for SECONDS and return to find Russel has left the premises in a defiant toddler's act of rebellion.

Realizing He is Just like Me...Priceless

I have lost the battle more than once and every time my heart drops with sorrow while my head swells with rage. He has indeed become My dog and Jenn can attest. He sits and waits for me all day and when I come home he is there to greet me with his paws up in the air like a circus poodle.  

Much of this can be attributed to Jenn giving 120% of her attention to Jack but a lot of it has happened naturally as Russel and I are very similar at heart. 

• We both want a little (maybe a lot) of outdoor time
• We need people
• We both have way more energy than we know what to do with

With Jack here, Russel has entered an envious toddler stage which is less than endearing. I have come to realize that we are both restless, curious and ready to see the world. And with all of the wrestling in the house, the friendly licking and nudging, and all of his silly antics, it seems impossible to call him anything but family.